The Inner World of a True Master

Compiled and presented here are various heartfelt confessions jagad-guru Śrī Śrīmad Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja expressed in his letters. Prior to studying the nectar of his instructions, it is necessary to properly grasp who he is. Only then is it possible to comprehend the ambrosial quality of his teachings. Śrī Arjuna inquired of Bhagavān: “sthita-prajñasya kā bhāṣā samādhi-sthasya keśavaḥ | sthita-dhīḥ kiṁ prabhāṣeta kimāsīta vrajet kim || (Gītā 2|54)—O Keśava, what are the characteristics of a person whose intelligence is situated in transcendence? How does he speak? How does he conduct himself externally and what are his inner pursuits? I want to know.” These selections illustrate how such a person conducts himself— “sthita-dhīḥ kiṁ prabhāṣeta kimāsīta vrajet kim.” Should one study this, it will become clear that though such a teacher has come to this material world, he is not of it; Śrī Bhagavān has sent him to this earthly abode out of immense compassion for the living entities. His every utterance churns the heart. One understands that to journey to the Lord’s abode, the Lord’s messenger is the only aid and refuge. He is always waiting for those who have taken shelter of him and able to make all necessary arrangements.

This series was inspired by the work of a humble and diligent servant of Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Vāmana Gosvāmī Mahārāja, Śrīpāda Tapasvī Mahārāja, who would probably resent me mentioning his name, but credit must be given where credit is due. I extend my gratitude for the tireless endeavours of this quiet, unknown soldier and pray that upon seeing that some effort is being made to distribute the words of his beloved gurudeva to the world, he forgive me for any slight I may have committed. 

Broadminded, openhearted

“My desire in life is to selflessly be of help to others; I gained this inclination from [my] supremely benevolent śrī guru-pādapadma. His renunciation and generosity have stunned me, and he has given me shelter at his feet. His affection for his godbrothers and disciples has rendered me speechless. Ungrudgingly, he has given thousands and thousands of rupees to people in the grips of scarcity; even if people assumed he was giving them a loan, he would tell this wretch to write them under expenses. He would say, “You should give to people by your right hand in such a way that your left hand cannot know about it.” Though I had the convenience and fortune to gain the proximity of such a liberated personality, an eternally perfected soul, due to my previous misdeeds, I have lost that kriti-ratna (he who, by his deeds, is a jewel).” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 19)

“I had the opportunity and fortune to come to jagad-guru Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura Prabhupāda’s place of bhajana in Śrī Māyāpura at Śrī Caitanya Maṭha in March of 1931. At the para-vidyā-pīṭha (centre for higher, spiritual education) he established there, I was taught under the guidance of tridaṇḍi-gosvāmī Śrīla Bhakti Pradīpa Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja and Śrīmat Bhakti Kevala Auḍulomī Mahārāja, in the same institution for spiritual education. My two śikṣā-gurus were, respectively, rector and headmaster at that same college. In that one Gauḍīya hospital, many impoverished individuals like me had the opportunity to receive treatment for the disease of material existence, but never could they have imagined a separate institution.” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 34)

“I see all who received the favor of jagad-guru Śrīla Sarasvatī Prabhupāda, as well as their disciples and grand-disciples, as tadīya (his) and convey my obeisance to them, knowing them as ‘Gauḍīyas’. I know each and every Vaiṣṇava who is bathed in Śrī Gaura-Vāṇī-Vinoda-Dhārā (the current of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu’s message and that of Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura) to be my well-wisher, supreme friend, and ultimate relative. There is no way I can even conceive of us as belonging to separate institutions.”

“Today, in the East and West, however many preaching centres of the Gauḍīya Maṭha have been established, I consider all of them to be a single indivisible unit.”  (Patrāmṛta, Letter 34)

Personal goals

“In the mission, I have only one personal matter—and that is my own bhajana-sādhana.” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 19)

“I always live in Vaikuṇṭha (the limitless spiritual realm). The various provinces of Vaikuṇṭha are also known as Vaikuṇṭha. I spend my days in the hope that someday I will gain a place in Goloka-Vṛndāvana. I don’t know, will that two-armed Muralīdhara Śrī Śyāmasundara accompanied by Śrī Rādhā some day claim this orphaned maidservant or not?” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 33)

Personal boundaries

“I do not want to boast authority or power conferred on me by any object or person that is of this Earth and separate from Śrī Hari, Guru, and Vaiṣṇavas. The potency granted by Bhagavān provides us all the strength we need for sādhana-bhajana. I am a believer in this truth and an optimist. (Patrāvalī, Letter 43)

“I know well that in my life I have not knowingly wished ill on anyone, but if people have misgivings about me, that is not something I will be held responsible for by guru and Bhagavān; I will not have to answer for that to them. I do not doubt anyone’s integrity, and I also want to see that no one distrusts me.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 2)

“Śrī Bhagavān has created me to reap the fruits of my deeds, to hear people’s criticisms; and on the other hand, he has sent others to this world to deliver those criticisms. These are the two conditions of the living entity in this world. Some follow in the footsteps of the tridaṇḍi-bhikṣu mendicant, “becoming equipoised and fixed in their higher self – etāṁ samāsthāya parātma-niṣthāṁ” and tolerate everything, for “man must reap the fruits of his actions – sva-karma-phala-bhuk pumān”, while others resort to thinking “I am God, I am the enjoyer, I am perfect, powerful, and happy – īśvaro’haṁ ahaṁ bhogī siddho’haṁ balavān sukhī” and become arrogant and deluded.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 2)

Focus on service

“Do not be disturbed about my physical ill health, because, if need be, I simply must take my sick body out preaching, and there is no reason to be upset about that. Going to see a good doctor does not rid one of disease; the illness will not subside until one exhausts the results of one’s karma. Rest that is devoid of service makes one a dehārāmī (body-indulgent) and a gehārāmī (home-indulgent). Auspiciousness lies in thinking about service in all conditions of life. You should know service to be real leisure. If I am not disturbed no one can inconvenience me. Where sādhana-bhajana happens—wherever I have the convenience to chant śrī harināma—and wherever I gain the fortune to hear and recite hari-kathā, the words of scripture and the like, is my favorite tranquil environment or place to be. Cultivation of śrī nāma and bhagavat-kathā in the association of sādhus is true solitude. That is what I yearn for. The service ethic of a servant does not account for rest or holidays, because a condition averse to service is something outside the scope of imagination for a real servant.

Whether I stay in Navadvīpa or go out preaching, I have come to regard both situations as one and the same. I go out traveling to collect provisions for the service of the maṭha in Śrī Navadvīpa, the maṭha’s servants, my śikṣā-gurus, and the śrī vigraha established there in the śrī maṭha and to preach the message of śrī guru and Bhagavān and propagate śrī nāma. Therefore, if in both situations the motive is the same and non-different, then whoever comes to the śrī maṭha at whatever time to take darśana, there is no chance of them not being able to have darśana, and they will not be cheated of darśana; this is my firm belief. In this case, the superiority and reality of parokṣa, or inner, non-visible darśana, versus direct eye-to-eye pratyakṣa darśana is a matter of special experience and realization. This will make sense to you someday. (Patrāvalī, Letter 23)

“I am not svatantra (independent). My special designation is that of paratantra-svatantra (dependently, or conditionally, independent).” (Patrāvalī, Letter 25)

“I have a personal independence and discernment that even the people of my maṭha and mission do not know of, as I do not let anyone know of them.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 30)

Personal dealings

“There is no reason for you to be sad. Even from over a million miles away, I can understand what you are dealing with. You do not need to worry about that. But know that my ability to predict the future and powers of foresight are much more extensive than yours. I am not saying this out of ego. If Śrī Bhagavān gives you the sukṛti someday, then you will be able to understand.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 3)

“I have nothing I want from you. I am happy only if we do not keep a worldly sort of connection that involves taking and giving.” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 19)

“I personally do not want to be deprived of love, and I have no desire to deprive anyone else of love. If a person who values love makes a mistake, he will remain present to accept the punishment. Though I am a guardian and caretaker, I do not punish anyone unjustly. I do not wish to become such an undiscerning child. But an unruly child surely deserves to receive punishment. Know that there is no indiscretion in that.” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 78)

“I am not inconsiderate, nor am I merciless, and I am not uncivilized either. However, I am incapable of accepting genuflection from those who are deceitful and vain; this is what the scriptures call nirāpekṣatā (indifference). Though this conduct of mine is harsh, there is love and sweet possessiveness concealed in it, a fact you will only take to heart if you introspect deeply.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 3)

“I too at present am a student, a trainee, someone looking for love and affection in this school of the world. I trust that one day I will pass this test in patience and gain the qualification to become a teacher. Then I will forever view those whom I have accepted as my loving and affectionate guardians with utmost regard. They can point out my flaws, they can be merciless to me, but as one seeking love I will wait on their sympathy and compassion. This is my dharma. I will not place blame on anyone else and sit here hoping to gain their unearthly love and affection. I will strive to realize the purport of Śrī Rūpa Gosvāmī’s “utsāhān-niścayāt dhairyāt” verse from Upadeśāmṛta.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 35)

[Here, in saying “guardians” he is not referring to his guru-varga; he used to see his followers as his guardians.]

Humble indifference

“To tell the truth, seeing the present state [of the world] I do not have the desire to go anywhere anymore. Man’s heart is extremely polluted. No one is accustomed to seeing the good in others. Hatred, violence, envy, blasphemy, flattery, and hopes of profit, worship, and prestige have turned life upside down for people. There is at present a dearth of love, affection, and goodness amidst mankind. Self-absorption and bravado have gained solid establishment in every field. If there is no patience, tolerance, and simplicity among mankind, then what is sādhana-bhajana for? Seeing all of this, I have personally become very reserved. I am just trying to go forward with what little humanity I have. After great ordeal, by the blessings of Guru and Vaiṣṇavas, I have become human. So, I do not wish to waste time with inimical people. Hence my sole aspiration is to lead a solitary life. I am accustomed to leading a solitary existence even in the midst of many people.” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 48)

“Even now the knowing, learning, and understanding has not happened. Once that concludes, there will remain no purpose in conversing with all of you. Then, silently, with eyes closed, I will remain absorbed in meditation on Śrī Rādhā-Govinda.” (Patrāmṛta, Letter 28)

[Before abandoning this earthly sojourn, he stopped speaking, on the pretext of illness, and assumed dhyāna-mudrā “a state of meditation”.]

“Having contemplated and pondered everything, I have decided it is prudent to stay quiet. The only regret is that I will not always be able to adapt to your ideas. You should all do what is best for you to live happily and peacefully.” (Patrāvalī, Letter 43)